But today we had a momentary reprieve from THAT time and it was beautiful here! I was thankful and yet I stayed inside for most of the day (albeit with the mini-blinds open). Why? I know better. I know these days are in short supply and each one needs to be cherished like the precious jewels they are. I know I’ve tons of stuff to get done too and yet I wasted too much time again.
And what is even worse is that this pattern is happening too often, especially lately, since I ‘retired’, Each time I’m left with an unsatisfied feeling and a hunger for something better. And it isn't like I don't have control over doing it differently.
When I was working, the days were very challenging and I usually liked that. I enjoyed the stimulation of creating and conquering the tasks and problems put before me (well most of the time until things changed there). But deep within me there was a battle--a struggle over two passions of my heart. The love (and security) of a job that paid relatively well and I knew I could do versus the deep, almost overwhelming desire to be a homemaker again. And I stopped feeling passionate over my job because I knew my heart was no longer there but at home.
Time passed, prayers went heavenward and finally--in a way I would never have guessed--the path lead home and it was good and peaceful, and I was - for the most part - happy and so was my husband.
Of course all problems did not magically vanish, for life here om earth is never that easy or predictable. At home we still fought the battle of the mice that most if not all country dwellers fight, and we still had mold/mildew in places. For awhile, too, my dad suffered some medical challenges-but I was home to help and that was good. And our plan for a new home was put on hold but it was paid off fully and I was HOME and that nourished my soul.
I went on trips to see my children and grandchildren. And that was good! I enjoyed the passing seasons and that was good (except for the extended rainy time). I enjoyed cooking again for the man-cub. And even when he said nothing or that it was just 'OK', I knew he liked having something other then fast food on the table most nights…and a wife to greet him each afternoon. And I liked it too.
But now it’s been over a year and a half since I quit… and life is still good but it is not great! And that is not good. You see I have wasted way too much time--something I never did at work (well 99.99% of the time) and I am definitely feeling more and more that this is bad stewardship of the time and talents I’ve been given. And that is not good because someday I won’t be here anymore and all those unfulfilled dreams and purposes for which I was sent won’t be accomplished. And that is really sad.
So it is accountability time for me--time to stop procrastinating, time to stop the laziness, time to CHANGE. But the change won’t be coming from the government and it won’t be coming because that is a key phrase of today. Nope--it won’t be coming because I am being forced into it either. Not even close. It will be coming instead because I want to make a difference in my family and friend’s lives by being a good steward and I want to please God who made it possible for me to again be home where my passion lies.
Blessings everyone, Aimee
Photo: NW Coast Range